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People with humility don't think less of themselves, they just think of themselves less." Ken Blanchard
Hmmmm. Hmmmm. so thats what it is, eh. think of yourself less...ingenious. Also, baffling and bloody darn difficult.
This year at the company offsite, my boss playfully called me the Drama Queen. And you know what, in that instance i realised that i am! Drama queen.
Not in a derogatory, negative sense of the word, but quite practically as it is.
I see myself as the centre of the stage main lead all the time ...and all theot hers as my audience...and an adoring audience at that , atleast most of the time!!!!
Maybe it comes of being my dad's princess and the darling of the family. maybe it comes of being the school topper and prefect, maybe it comes of just being a very confident person! I dont know, I can't analyse whether those are the causes or the effects...but in my life's drama, i am the central character..i am the focal point, standing right below the floodlight. I am, as he said, the drama queen..
So in times of grief and loneliness, i am central too...i focus energy inwards, not letting the wounds show, the eternally cheerful person who struggles to cope and does not reach out for help as i dont want to expose my weak side...
is that why i do not remember names...because i see ME as being more important than THEM? is that why i would get hugely offended if THEY did not remember MINE? Is that why I hope to be waited on hand and foot by friends and family alike (as i do for them , i hope)...and expect a standard of service wherever i go...
Em says i dont need to attend sumedha's as i have it all figured out already...maybe i do need to, because i suddenly saw a mirror and am surprised at what i see...cant say whether i like or dislike it....am just surprised...like when you get a new haircut and cant decide whether you want it quite that way or another way...
Am i narcissistic? or un-humble(arrogant sounds a little aggressive!) or just plain nakhrewali and petulant? Or am i just content with being who i am and dont really care about what he or she or they may say or think or judge...am i cold blooded or just peaceful with thngs...
I certainly am confused....
